


And you can have this heart to break

by dollylux



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Angst, Comfort Sex, Desperation, FIFA World Cup 2010, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2014-06-19
Packaged: 2018-02-05 00:27:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1798828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dollylux/pseuds/dollylux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The night before the Chile match. The night before everything changes one way or the other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And you can have this heart to break

They were practically on opposite sides of the hotel, and as Fernando makes the trek to Sergio's room, he realizes that it was probably done on purpose. He hesitates in front of Sergio's door, chewing on the inside of his cheek as his knuckles drag over the dark wood. The hall is so quiet, sounds contained within rooms, lights hidden except for the low ones that lit the hallways. He makes up at least ten excuses ( _he's asleep, he's playing cards, he's hanging out with Jesús, he doesn't really care about whatever you have to say to him anyway_ ) and he takes a deep breath to steel his courage and fight them all so that he can knock on the door. His shoulders are tense until he hears the door being opened and relief floods his face. Sergio stands before him in lazy clothes and his hair tied back with no product and he looks relaxed but not sleepy and above all, he looks so, so happy to see Fernando. Fernando can't help but smile and Sergio reaches for him, tucking a hand against the back of his neck and pulling him into the room, nuzzling two kisses high on Fernando's jaw as he closes the door.

"Are you busy? I thought about texting you, but..."

"You remembered that my door is always open for you?" Sergio grins at him and it's so perfect in this exact moment, with all of the thoughts that Fernando has in his head, all the weight he has on his shoulders and his heart and all the emotions swirling all through him, Sergio's smile is absolutely perfect. Fernando edges toward him, just curling his face down a little so that it meets with Sergio's shoulder when they first touch again and Sergio pulls him into a hug without another word, one hand caught in the back of this new (old) hair of Fernando's, the other low around his waist, keeping him up tight against himself. He pushes his face against the curve of Fernando's neck that meets his shoulder and they both sigh.

"Thanks."

"What are you thinking about, Nando?"

Sergio holds on tight to him, refusing to let Fernando pull away and push down any emotions, refusing to let him deny anything. Fernando struggles against him to do just that and he holds on tighter to Sergio when he realizes he won't be allowed.

"Can we get in bed? I just... I need..."

"Shh." Sergio's mouth is on his neck still and it's kissing now, kissing up and up Fernando's long neck until he's behind his ear and then he pulls away, clasping their fingers together so he can lead Fernando across the room to his unmade bed. Fernando sits down on it and leans back against the headboard, letting out another sigh as he closes his eyes. He listens to the drone of an American 90s sitcom and to the sounds of Sergio climbing onto the bed and settling beside him.

He doesn't open his eyes, not once, not even when he feels Sergio take his hand and start leaving kisses up his fingers to his knuckles, not even when Sergio sucks on the bone of his wrist, or when the tip of his tongue idly traces Fernando's Tengwar tattoo. Sergio's mouth bumps up across his biceps and his shoulder and ends up back where he started at Fernando's neck and his breath is a loud rush in Fernando's ear, drowning out canned laughter and old jokes. He concentrates on just Sergio breathing and on just the way their fingers tangle together on Sergio's thigh, the way Sergio just lets him be silent, lets him settle into trust and confession.

"What if we lose tomorrow?"

Sergio is quiet for a few moments, the question painful for him as well but Fernando can tell that Sergio is looking at it from Fernando's point of view. He always has. He rests his cheek against the gentle slope of Fernando's shoulder and lets his eyes unfocus straight ahead.

"What if we do," he replies back softly, lifting their hands to his mouth so he can kiss Fernando's.

"Then... then nothing has changed. Then we're still the same team we were before Euros that never did anything worthwhile, then... then I just wasted the biggest opportunity of my career. This... Sergio, this is _our_ World Cup. You know? I mean... our ages. Right now is our time. The next one, we're gonna be too old. It won't be ours anymore. This is my biggest chance, and if we have to go home tomorrow, then... then..."

Sergio doesn't say anything, but his silence is a tender one. He keeps himself warm beside Fernando, he brings their hands to rest over his heart through worn, familiar cotton. Fernando scoots down on the bed until he's laying beside Sergio and Sergio can hear his struggle not to cry. He kisses at Fernando's pulse over and over again.

"Then..." Fernando continues, his voice aching to tremble but he won't let it, he refuses, "I will be heartbroken. Then I will start to get scared. Because this is what my career has led up to. To two knee surgeries and seventh place in the table and getting knocked out in the group stages at the World Cup?"

"But what if we win?"

Fernando looks over at him then and Sergio feels it and opens his eyes to meet Fernando's. He finds them larger than he had ever seen them and darker and he finds them filled with tears and it makes him ache, it makes him pull Fernando closer and hold him so tight when he curls up against his chest. Fernando sniffles then and it's undignified and terribly young-sounding but he doesn't hold it in, he can't. Because this is Sergio and they made a promise long ago.

"If we win?" Fernando blinks and his tears soak into Sergio's shirt and into the skin beneath it. Sergio pushes his face into Fernando's hair and lets out a small, desperate sound, one that matches the grip his hands have on Fernando's waist and his back and matches the ache in his chest. Fernando is his right now. He knows he will look back in two months when they're far apart again, when they aren't each other's anymore, at least not for awhile, when they won't be able to recall exact laughs or the precise smell of shampoo in clean hair or exactly how it feels it be kissed in places only kissed with love (fingertips, knees, chins, soles of feet, under arms and at the nape of sweaty, sunkissed necks), and they'll forget how easy it is to take advantage of each other's presence, how easily they fall into familiarity, into this-is-just-how-it-is and this-is-permanent and by the time they realize it's not, that it's a lie, that it's temporary and they can't have each other forever, not in any real way, for any good amount of time to satisfy the pain in their hearts and the deep ache of the loss of each other that they still feel. It still hurts and it's still not okay, they'll be thousands of miles apart. They're still vulnerable to each other and they can't help it. After all these years, they still can't help it.

"If we win, we'll come back home tomorrow night. We'll have dinner with Jesús and Pepe and Villa and we'll let them go back to their rooms and we'll come in here. And you will lay here and watch _The Cosby Show_ while I shower and you'll let me put on my pajamas and you'll let me take your clothes off and you'll met me smell you from head to toe and you'll hate it because you think you stink and that you need a shower, and I'll think that I just need to keep every single scent of your body in my mind forever. And you'll let me have you even if I don't deserve you, even if I didn't have a perfect game, even if my crosses were shit and you deserved so much better, even if I tried the whole game to get you a goal, love, because... because I _do_. Because I dream about it. I've tried for years and it's never worked and I just... I just want to make you proud. And I want to make you happy. And I want to give that to you. And tomorrow I will fight harder than I ever have to do it. Because you deserve this cup more than anyone. After everything you've been through, at Liverpool, at home, with me--"

"You're only ever a haven, Sergio. You're never anything bad. Not ever." Fernando moves closer, desperate to prove his words, fresh tears in his eyes and he hesitates to straddle Sergio, to sit down in his warm lap because he doesn't want to strain his knee. The tears escape when he feels Sergio's hands so gentle on him, spreading his legs to guide him over his body and he settles there, a heavy, burning weight on Sergio's cock and they rock into each other slowly.

"After all of it, Nando. No one wants this more than you. And no one deserves this more than you. So it will happen. It will happen because you've paid enough. You've sacrificed enough, your whole life. This is yours."

"Ours." Fernando's mouth trembles over Sergio's and his eyes fall closed when Sergio strokes his cheek with the backs of his fingers. He kisses him deeply, his breath rushing out hotly against Fernando's flushed cheeks when that heavy body in his lap drags even deeper, when Fernando just opens his mouth to let him in. Fernando breaks away after a few long, intense moments, absolutely breathless and he keeps up his grinding as Sergio kisses down his neck, as he sucks at his throat. "This can't be our last night together. I've... I've gone without you for so long and I just now got you back and I can't lose you. I can't handle it, Sergio. I can't deal with this anymore. I can handle a lot of things but I can't stand not having you. I need... I need..."

"Do you need me like I need you, Nando? Could you possibly understand? Can you understand how good you feel? How fucking beautiful and... and..." Sergio is shoving at clothes now, impatience ripping cotton and Fernando is letting him, he's fighting right along with him and he reaches down to run a palm across Sergio's cock that jerks to life for him, that twitches toward him and god Sergio is burning hot, he's so thick and hard and pulsing with life right here in his hand and he has him tonight, no matter what else happens. They both seek out that tightness between the swell of Fernando's ass, they both stutter out cries when Sergio slips in raw and shoves until there's nowhere further to be and until Fernando feels turned inside out.

Fernando cradles Sergio's head against his chest and he watches him nurse on his nipples, watches him draw and suck on them until they're puffy and tender and painfully hard and the perfect place for Sergio to keep his mouth while Fernando rides him, using all the strength of his body to suck Sergio's cock in deep, to use it just right. They're a tight circle of bodies now and Fernando is sobbing out his hunger for this, for every movement they're making.

"Help me. Sergio, please help me. Help me keep you here because I can't be without you. This is our summer, remember? This... this is ours, you're mine and-- oh. Fuck, Sergio. _Fuck._ " Fernando collapses against him as he comes, his body a beautiful, solid weight as Sergio fucks him open, unable to use words anymore and he feels too much to cry, it's gone way beyond that with Fernando. He lets Fernando take his orgasm and he pushes it as deep inside of him as he can, his only offering to this man he loves because he can't promise anything else, he can't promise him anything about tomorrow except that he will love him without hesitation and he can tell by the tremble of Fernando's entire body that he knows.


End file.
